Forgive OR Forget
by ashmagic17
Summary: After shooting a suspected terrorist while Deeks is away working an undercover case for the LAPD, Kensi finds out that the man she killed was Deeks's childhood friend and Deeks isn't happy about what she's done. Will they be able to forgive each other or will it be the end of their friendship?
1. Chapter 1

**NCIS: LOS ANGELES FANFICTION**

 **FORGIVE OR FORGET**

Title: Forgive OR Forget

Category: TV Shows » NCIS: Los Angeles

Language: English, Rating: Rated: **M+**

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

 _DENSI FIC_

 **WARNING** \- This story contains VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE  & ADULT CONTENT.

 **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**

…

 _FORGIVE OR FORGET_

Chapter 1: KENSI

A dangerous storm was building. The air was thick with the scent of rain as the dark, heavy clouds began to creep slowly towards Los Angeles city.

Just outside of the city at a remote airfield, three NCIS agents were preparing to brave the weather in the hopes of catching a convicted terrorist in the act of selling products used to make dirty bombs.

Senior Special Agents G. Callen & Sam Hanna were more than ready to close this case! It had been running for over three months and it had been a particularly difficult mission. The suspect who goes by the name Snake, was also wanted by the CIA, LAPD and NCIS for fraud, illegal weapons trading, drug smuggling and sex crimes. He was a wealthy cold hearted killer who knew how to get away with murder.

Sam had been working with Snake undercover as a bodyguard for the last few weeks, hoping to gather Intel on terrorist groups in the city. They had recovered some helpful information and now it was finally time to arrest Snake and his men.

To lure Snake into their trap, Sam had organized for him to meet a potential buyer (Callen) for a bulk order of explosives. Having earned Snake's trust Sam was able to convince him easily to meet with the buyer today at the airfield.

The plan was going well so far.

Callen and Sam stood on the airstrip with a large shoulder bag containing fake money to fool Snake into closing the deal. Once the explosive sample was checked and Snake had given them the location of the rest of the explosives the two senior agents would pretend to hand over the fake money before arresting him and his men.

All that was left to do was wait for Snake to arrive.

In the near distance junior special agent Kensi Blye was keeping a close eye on her two older teammates through the scope of her snipper gun. Being a highly skilled snipper, Kensi was often the lookout for her team.

As thunder rumbled overhead and small droplets of rain began to fall around her Kensi groaned and shifted position. She was lying on her stomach, both hands holding her gun steady. She had camouflage clothing on and heavy-duty boots made for rough terrain. She'd dug herself in a bit, surrounding her body with dirt so she was practically invisible to anyone standing below her on the airfield.

"Great, just great!" she muttered to herself, looking up at the darkening sky when another clash of thunder sounded. "I'm on a hill, surrounded by trees, holding a gun and it's going to storm!"

"Don't want to get wet Kens?" Special Agent G. Callen's voice came through her ear piece. He was obviously amused by his junior agent's lack of enthusiasm about the current weather situation.

"Oh yeah funny Callen," she replied bitterly. "You do realise the worst place to be in a storm is under a tree?"

"You're just cranky because Deeks hasn't answered your calls," Sam joined the conversation. He was peering in her direction up the hill with a smirk on his face. He couldn't see her but he knew where she was hiding.

Kensi scowled at him, "you're asking for it Sam. I have a gun and I know how to use it!"

The threat was playful but he knew she was pissed from the tone of her voice. He laughed light-heartedly, "You wouldn't shoot me Kens. I'm the one who brings the good coffee to work! If you shoot me you'd have to go back to the old stuff and I know how much you hate that coffee!"

"He has a point," Callen laughed. "You really do hate that coffee!"

"Well it tastes like dirt mixed with water, it's not even worthy of being called coffee." Kensi countered. "It's like drinking mud!"

Callen chuckled quietly.

Sam grinned and shook his head, "Oh Kensi what are we going to do with you?"

"Heads up guys," Callen interrupted pointing to the small aircraft approaching the airstrip. "We've got incoming."

Kensi refocused her eyes on the airstrip and steadied her gun. It was game time!

She watched the plane land and come to a halt in front of Callen and Sam. They walked over to the aircraft as the stairs lowered and Snake appeared at the top of the ramp. He took a step forward before descending from the plane, closely followed by three armed men.

Callen extended his hand to shake Snake's in greeting.

"Thank you for meeting with me. My name is Callahan," Callen said with a grin. "I have been looking for a supplier that I can trust for quite some time. When my mate told me about a guy who could get me what I needed at a good price I was eager to meet him… You must be Snake,"

"Indeed, I am," Snake nodded, "I have been told a lot about you Callahan. From what I hear, you are quite the explosives expert,"

"Well you know," Callen smirked. "I've always had a passion for making things go bang!"

Kensi snorted quietly, trying not to laugh. Oh how she loved these missions, there was never a dull moment with the boys around.

She took a deep breath and continued listening to the conversation through her earwig. So far so good.

"Let's get down to business, shall we?" Snake held out his hand and Sam placed a small bag into his palm. He then passed it to Callen, "here is the sample. I think you will be quite satisfied with it."

Callen quickly began to inspect the explosives sample. After a few seconds he nodded his head, "it's good. Just like your man said."

"I only deal with the highest quality products, Callahan," Snake explained. "I inspect it all myself. The men I told your friend about have used it to make their own bombs and they keep coming back for more. I guess that means it's good."

"It will be good and I'm going to need more in the future but for now the amount I asked for will do nicely… I have your money," Callen lifted the bag he was holding and unzipped it a bit to show Snake the money inside. "Where's the rest of the explosives?"

Snake grinned, "Very good Callahan. I have the address written down right here on this piece of paper."

Callen looked over the address, "ok sounds great. Here's your money."

Snake took the bag from Callen and extended his hand, "pleasure doing business with you."

"Likewise," Callen shook his hand and smiled.

 ** _Now was the moment they were all waiting for…_**

Callen twisted Snake's arm behind his back so fast he didn't even have time to blink. Sam pulled his gun from its holster on his hip and pointed it at Snake's bodyguards.

"NCIS don't move!" He shouted causing the men to stare at him in shock.

"You bastard!" Snake growled angrily. He had his hands cuffed and Callen was now shoving him forward, onto his knees. "You _f***ing_ bastard!"

"Thanks Snake, couldn't have found the explosives without you! We know where you're keeping all your weapons and now we know where your explosives are too!" Callen replied calmly and confidently. "Oh and if I were you I would just stay where you are. You never know who could be out there watching your every move!"

Snake swore again and glared after Callen as he went over to back Sam up with the guards. He managed to get one in handcuffs pretty easily and he sat him next to his boss. Then he started to cuff the second man who struggled against him for only a second before Callen kneed him in the stomach and he went down, grunting in discomfort.

Three were now in cuffs with only one to go.

Just as Callen approached the remaining bodyguard, a blinding flash of lightening lit up the sky. The thunder was instant and unbelievably loud.

Rain started to pour down so hard that for a few seconds visibility was poor. Kensi couldn't see her teammates from her position, she could barely see the trees in front of her!

When the rain slowed just enough for her to see the airstrip a few long minutes later she wasn't expecting what she saw...

She spotted Sam first. He was pointing his gun at the man now holding Callen in a headlock with a gun held firmly against his temple. He had used the distraction of the storm to get the upper hand on the two agents and it was working.

Kensi heard Sam yelling over her earpiece but the line was crackly now that her earwig was wet. She desperately tried to listen but she couldn't make out what they were saying. She thought she heard something about a gun, the ground and someone supposably being undercover? She just couldn't be sure. Between the raging storm continuing all around her and her damaged earpiece, it was near impossible to get a clear audio signal.

Her hands were trembling slightly, she couldn't afford to miscalculate this shot. Even the slightest misjudgement could be disastrous for Callen.

Sam was shouting threats at the man, he had no clear shot. If he fired his gun he would hit Callen in the chest and potentially kill him. Callen was ordering him to shoot anyway, knowing the risks but his partner wasn't listening. It was up to Kensi to take this _Son of a Bitch_ down!

Kensi concentrated hard and waited for the man, who had just identified himself as Jake, to turn just a bit to the left then she fired. The bullet hit the target in the head, killing him instantly.

Callen straightened up and kicked the man's gun out of reach, something they were trained to do whether the suspect was dead or alive. He glanced towards where Kensi was hidden in the trees and smiled gratefully. He knew she would be watching.

Sam wiped his brow with the back of his hand and breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank God for Kensi!"

Callen shook his head lightly and walked back over to where Snake and his two sidekicks were kneeling, both in shock.

"You should've taken the shot Sam," Callen huffed feeling both relieved that he was alive and a little angry that Sam had disobeyed his order.

"I knew Kensi had it G." Sam replied. "She had a better angle and a better gun,"

"She's a damn good snipper," Callen pulled Snake up to his feet. "A few more seconds and I'd be dead. You'd probably be dead too since you were too scared to shoot the guy!"

Sam threw him a look of disapproval, "I didn't have a problem shooting him. It was shooting you first that I wasn't prepared to do! Don't you think you have enough bullet holes in you as it is?"

Callen laughed, "I didn't think of it like that."

Meanwhile Kensi packed up her gear and started to make her way down the hill. It was still raining and the ground was slippery. She balanced herself well and took her time going down.

With the storm still overhead and the rain still falling it was difficult to navigate the terrain. It had been hard enough getting up the stupid hill, let alone getting down in this weather!

She tried to steady her feet again, feeling the earth sinking beneath her. She had to dig her heels into her boots and her boots deep into the mud to stop herself from sliding and tumbling down the hill.

She took a moment to regain her balance. Looking at the airfield she couldn't see anyone on the airstrip and wondered where the guys were. With her earpiece out of action she couldn't communicate with anyone.

She took another unsteady step forwards and her foot hit something hard under the surface of the uneven ground. She felt a sharp pain shoot up her leg and before she could react, she fell heavily onto her stomach, face planting into a pool of mud.

"Great just great!" Kensi spluttered, spitting a mouthful of mud onto the hill. She glanced up and wiped her hand over her eyes. She didn't have too far to go now, only a few more minutes and she would be at the bottom of this rotten hill.

She suddenly felt relieved that there was no one around. She didn't think she could handle the embarrassment of someone seeing her amazing slow-motion stumble and disappearing act into the mud.

For anyone watching it would have been pretty funny and Kensi just couldn't deal with that right now. She wasn't in the mood. She was exhausted and cold. She was in pain and she just wanted to go home. It was going to be bad enough trying to explain to Callen and Sam how she came to be caked in mud and was no doubt going to be slightly limping judging by the burning sensation running up her calf.

She forced her body up off the ground and readjusted her gun bag over her shoulder. Breathing in the damp air Kensi edged forward, ignoring the aching in her ankle and kept repeating to herself, _one step closer to home. One step closer to a shower!_

Her wet hair was clinging to her face, hanging in her eyes. Her clothes were soaked and she was completely covered in mud from head to toe! She couldn't wait to have a hot shower.

A cold wind started to blow around her as she finally reached the end of the hill.

She peered around and spotted the guys walking back towards her having just handed Snake over to the LAPD whose lights were flashing in the distance.

"OMG Kensi what happened?" Sam called to her as they approached.

She shrugged, "fell down a hill."

"Funny," Sam smiled, looking her up and down. "It looks like you just got swallowed up by the mud and spat out again!"

"That's something Deeks would say," Callen grinned at his partner.

Kensi rolled her eyes, silently musing over how right Sam was with his assumption. Not that she was going to tell him.

She turned to Callen who was standing by her side.

"Nice shot Kens," he squeezed her shoulder warmly. He wasn't usually one for physical contact but given that she had just saved his life he thought it was ok.

"Yeah good work Kens," Sam gave her a high-five. "By the way you look fantastic."

Kensi snorted at that, "Oh yeah I bet! My hair is a mess, I'm covered in mud and God knows what else!"

Sam laughed and they began to walk back the way they'd come.

Kensi trudged along slowly beside them, trying not to draw any attention to her injured foot. She managed to keep her stride reasonably normal even though the pain was getting pretty bad. _One more step towards home. One more step towards a shower. One more step towards pain killers!_

"So what happened with Snake?" She asked, hoping the distraction would keep her mind off her throbbing foot.

"LAPD have taken him and his goons to the boatshed for questioning, we will handle that if you want to have a shower when we get back," Callen offered.

He had been working with Kensi for many years and knew her well. He knew she would want to get cleaned up and changed into her usual clothes as soon as possible. She would probably be starving by now too. Everyone who knew her, knew Kensi was always hungry!

"Yep that sounds good to me!" Kensi agreed. "Thanks."

….

 _Back at OPS an hour later…_

Kensi had just finished in the shower, finally feeling clean and warm after their mission. She'd washed her hair first knowing it was all tangled with mud and would be a nightmare to manage later.

It had taken her longer than usual to clean up. The water had been stained with mud as she rinsed her body and then washed with her shower gel. The mud just didn't want to come off and she had to scrub a few times on her arms and through her hair to get it all out.

Stepping out of the shower, she grabbed her towel from the rack and started drying herself. When she was dry she got dressed in a pair of jeans and a light blue top before tying her damp hair up in a ponytail and leaving the bathroom.

Her ankle was still hurting and when she inspected it she found it swollen and bruised. Most likely a nasty sprain.

Refusing to ask for help from anyone, Kensi wrapped it herself and pulled a sock over the top of the bandage to hide it. She limped into the Bullpen and looked around. No one was there.

She knew Callen and Sam were still busy in the Boatshed with Snake and Hetty had gone home, _she knew that because her car wasn't outside when they got back._

Kensi was pretty hungry now and due for some pain killers so she went into the lunchroom to see what was in the fridge.

It was eerily quiet. She wasn't used to OPS being so empty.

She checked the fridge and found a tub of Nell's chocolate custard. She knew she shouldn't but she really needed a sugar fix so she took the tub and wrote a quick note for Nell promising to replace it in the morning.

She put the custard on the bench to grab a spoon and a box of pain killers from the medicine draw. She quickly took two tablets with a mouthful of water and grabbed her custard.

With her stolen custard and a spoon, Kensi limped back to her desk.

Leaning as far back as she could against her chair, Kensi lifted her sore foot to rest on top of her desk. She opened the seal on the custard and dipped her spoon in. As she ate, she was again hit by the unusual quiet of the room.

Nell and Eric would be working in the computer room upstairs. The guys were busy with the interviews and her partner, NCIS liaison & LAPD Detective Marty Deeks was undercover for the LAPD.

Deeks had been missing from NCIS for three months. He had been assigned an undercover case and had cut all ties with NCIS in order to protect his cover. It was supposed to be a short project, go in get info and get out, but still there was no word from him.

She had tried to contact him, just to see how he was but he had turned his phone off. She hadn't seen him around his house either, not that she was keeping an eye on it or anything because that would be creepy.

Kensi hadn't been happy when he had told her he accepted the job three months ago. Firstly, because she knew she'd be given desk duty due to not having backup in the field and secondly because she would miss him, not that she would tell him that.

And here she was three months later, sitting alone at her desk eating Nell's desert and thinking about him, _again_!

Getting frustrated with the silence Kensi stood up and walked back to the lunchroom. She discarded the empty tub into the bin and placed the spoon she was using in the dishwasher.

There was nothing for her to do so she decided to go home. She could do with a good night's sleep and knew she'd have more paperwork to fill out in the morning. She was the paperwork girl! Not Bad Ass Blye anymore. Nope just the agent that did all the paperwork.

Apart from today she'd only been out of the office a total of three times since Deeks left. It was driving her crazy!

She was pretty sure she was driving Nell and Eric crazy too since she often hung out in the computer room during the day, watching as Callen and Sam went out to catch the bad guys.

She was more than a little jealous that they got to go out and she didn't so when they had asked her to back them up earlier that day she had jumped at the opportunity!

Of course, she could've done without the storm, being caked in mud and spraining her ankle but she was still grateful that she had been let out for a few hours.

There was only so much paperwork one person could do before going completely insane and she was fast approaching that limit. She was after all an outside, action kind of girl and sitting at a desk all day wasn't something she particularly enjoyed.

Kensi went over to Sam's desk and left him a note. _'Gone home. See you tomorrow. Kens.'_

 **…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The night was long and noisy with the storm hanging around until early hours of the morning. Rain pelted down across the city as lightning and thunder rattled the earth.

Kensi was sitting on her couch with her leg up resting on a cushion laid on the coffee table.

Her ankle was aching and she wondered briefly if she should get it checked out by a doctor, it seemed a lot worse than any other sprain she had experienced in the past but she quickly discarded that thought and decided she was being silly. She just had to keep taking her pain killers and the pain would go away.

She was finally feeling sleepy and closed her eyes, the pain killers made her drowsy and she was grateful because she would have to get up in a few hours for work. She couldn't go in looking like a zombie!

She was just lingering on the edge of a deep sleep when she heard someone knocking on her door. She woke with a start and looked around. It was dark, the power must have gone off.

Feeling her anxiety rising and trying to figure out who the hell would be at her doorstep at 3am, she slowly lifted herself off the couch and placed her injured foot gingerly on the floor before limping to her door.

Gun in hand, she peered out through the blinds. A few seconds later she opened the door and let Deeks inside her house.

"Deeks, what are you doing here?" She asked worried.

Even in the dim light she could tell he had been crying. His eyes were glassy and he smelled of alcohol. She helped him to the lounge and sat beside him, gently pulling him into a hug that he returned.

"I've missed you," she said unable to hold herself back. "Are you ok?"

He heaved a deep breath and couldn't stop his tears from coming. Kensi held him as he cried on her shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around his body and her hand began rubbing circles on his back. His whole body shook with each sob and her shirt was soon drenched in his tears. She had never seen him like this and it was really concerning her.

When Deeks finally settled down and pulled back she gave him a gentle smile to let him know it was ok. He wiped his eyes, he looked exhausted!

"I didn't know where else to go," he mumbled. "I don't even remember how I got here."

"Maybe you should get some sleep and we can work things out in the morning," Kensi suggested and he nodded.

Kensi grabbed a couple of blankets and two pillows from her room and gave one pair to Deeks before spreading the other blanket on the ground.

Carefully she lowered herself to the floor and laid her head against the pillow. Deeks looked at her puzzled for a few seconds but was too tired to argue so he just laid down and went to sleep.

Kensi watched over him for a while until she felt her eyes closing too. They both fell into a deep sleep…

...

Deeks woke a few hours later to the welcoming aroma of freshly brewed coffee and slightly burnt toast. He looked around, momentarily confused as to where he was. He quickly calmed down when he realised he was in Kensi's living room.

He laid his head back against the pillow and tried to remember what happened last night but it was all a blur.

 _He had gone to the pub with the group he had been working for the past three months undercover. He'd had a few beers before the TV was turned on behind the bar where he was sitting. It showed the news headlines and he vaguely remembered something about a shootout that killed a man on the Los Angeles airfield earlier that evening._

Deeks shot up from the couch, his eyes flying open. He gasped as he felt tears forming in his throat. It couldn't be… It just couldn't be true! He swallowed hard and took deep breaths to calm himself down.

At that moment Kensi appeared from the kitchen with two mugs of coffee. She took in his shocked expression and quietly set his cup on the table by his knee. He glanced at her briefly, "thanks."

She smiled warmly at him and sat on her blanket spread out on the floor, "you're welcome."

"I guess you want an explanation," he asked. He ran his hand through his shaggy blonde hair and refused to meet her eyes.

She shrugged, "you don't have to tell me anything. I only care that you're ok… Are you ok?"

"I don't have an answer for that yet," he replied quietly, biting his bottom lip. "I should go."

Kensi stood and moved closer to him, sitting beside him on the couch. She placed her hand on his broad shoulder and leaned into him, breathing in his scent. He smelt like the ocean and beer.

"I made toast," she stated calmly. "Stay for breakfast?"

He shook his head and gently pushed her away so he could stand up. She gazed at him with wide eyes as he walked towards the door.

"Deeks," she called to him, her voice uncertain. "Don't go…"

"I'm sorry Kens, I shouldn't have come here." He said sadly, not bothering to turn around as he spoke. "Thanks for everything."

And with that he was gone. Normally Kensi would have run after him but her injured ankle prevented her from doing so, even though she really wanted to.

Kensi forced herself to carry on getting ready for work. She ate her toast and showered before getting dressed, gathering her things and finally leaving her house.

Her drive to work seemed longer than usual and she couldn't take her mind off Deeks. She was really, REALLY worried about him…

…

Kensi walked into the Bullpen slowly. Every step was agony but she refused to show weakness. Callen looked up as she came in and half smiled at her. He noticed she was limping and immediately became concerned. Knowing Kensi, she wouldn't ask for help. She would hide her pain and suffer in silence.

"You hurt your foot Kens?" he asked, watching her sit at her desk and gingerly lift her ankle off the ground.

She shook her head, "nah. I think I slept on it or something…."

"I know you're lying," Callen smirked. "You honestly think you can lie to the agent that taught you to lie?"

"Funny," Kensi laughed lightly. She began to unpack her bag and placed her laptop, folder and pen on her desktop. "But I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are,"

"No, I'm not,"

"Kensi!" Callen countered, raising both eyebrows at her in amusement. "Let me look at your foot!"

"No way,"

"So, it is hurt?"

"No, it's not," Kensi argued stubbornly. "I just don't like people touching my feet."

Her older teammate rolled his eyes and gave up, "fine have it your way but if I find out you've lied to me, _which I know you have_ , you'll be in big trouble Blye."

Kensi sighed feeling relieved that they could just get on with work and stop fussing over her _'not'_ injured foot.

It was half an hour later when Sam strolled in looking agitated and fatigued. He huffed as he sat in his chair opposite them and refused to meet their gaze.

Callen turned his attention to his partner, "what's got you all grumpy this morning?"

Sam threw him a warning glance, "don't start G."

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad."

"You have no idea," Sam replied as he turned his computer on and started typing his password into the system. "Trust me G. you don't want to know."

Before Callen had a chance to respond there was a whistle from the top of the stairs…

"Case on deck," Eric announced with a grin. "So, Sam what's got you in such a bad mood?"

Sam grumbled as he got up and threw his blonde comrade a threatening stare. Eric responded by vanishing into OPS.

Callen followed Sam out of the Bullpen but stopped when he noticed Kensi was still seated at her desk, showing no intention of moving from her spot.

She glanced up when she felt his eyes on her and sighed.

"Yeah ok so maybe, _maybe_ , I have a sprained ankle and maybe I don't want to get halfway up the stairs only to get stuck there because my stupid foot won't go any further," she admitted and bowed her head in defeat.

"Ok so you're just going to sit there all day then?" he queried teasingly. He knew it was driving her crazy but he was in a very irritating mood today.

"Yep," she nodded and held up a pile of papers. "I have my work load right here. Besides if I'm needed Nell can brief me on one of the monitors down here so I don't have to go upstairs."

"Fair enough," Callen said before he started ascending up the steps, taking them two at a time. "I guess I'll see you in a bit."

He disappeared behind Sam into the computer room. Kensi sighed and started leafing through her folder, marking all the sheets that needed reading and the forms that needed to be signed. She was in the middle of organizing her work tray when she heard familiar footsteps approaching and looked up in surprise.

"Deeks,"

He turned to her only for a second before continuing over to Hetty's desk. Their boss was sipping a freshly brewed cup of tea and when she saw him, she appeared shocked.

"Mr Deeks, I wasn't expecting you back so soon!"

He moved uncomfortably in the chair he had just lowered himself into.

"Yeah well I had to come in because…" Deeks stopped and glanced back over to where Kensi was supposed to be working but was staring at him instead. "Can we talk somewhere more private?"

Hetty nodded and stood up, Deeks followed her lead. They both disappeared down the tunnel towards the boatshed leaving Kensi wondering what the hell was going on!

When the guys returned from their briefing with the wonder-twins, Kensi asked them if they knew anything about why Deeks was back and why he wanted to talk to Hetty alone.

The two senior agents exchanged a worried glance before Callen spoke, "The guy you shot yesterday…"

"Was an undercover LAPD officer and a friend of Deeks," Sam stated, finishing Callen's sentence quietly.

Kensi's eyes widened and she leant back in her chair. It all made sense now! He'd been upset last night having obviously heard about the shooting on the news earlier in the afternoon and now he was here to get answers.

"Does he know who shot him?" Kensi couldn't stop the question from coming out. She started second guessing her actions on the airfield. _She had shot a cop!_

Callen gave her a sympathetic look, "I don't know but he's going to find out sooner or later."

" **Shit** ," she breathed heavily. "I can't believe this! Why didn't he say he was undercover? Why di…"

"You did the right thing Kensi," Sam interrupted her, knowing she would be doubting herself. "That guy was dirty! Cop or not, you had to take the shot or we would both be dead. You did your job,"

"Yeah well, let's just hope Deeks sees it that way," she replied sadly. "Am I in trouble?"

"For shooting him?" Callen shook his head, "LAPD hadn't heard from him for over six months. He was supposed to be checking in every week with his case officer but he went rouge. He's been underground for months without any clues as to where he was or what he was up to. Obviously, we now know he was doing drugs and was mixed up with those lowlifes we arrested yesterday! But if anything does come up about you taking the shot we have your back."

"And Deeks?... How were they friends if he was a bad guy?" Kensi queried.

This time Sam answered, "you'll have to ask him Kens."

The room fell into an awkward silence until eventually Kensi broke through the quiet with another question.

"So, what was the briefing about?" Kensi desperately wanted to distract herself. Talking about their most recent case might be a good way to do that.

Sam knowingly smiled at her, "just the usual. Drug smuggler in LA found dead this morning, no ID, no cash. He's linked to one of the local gangs so that's how LAPD knew who he was. But apparently his car was full of explosive material so we've been called in to investigate alongside LAPD and DEA."

"Ok sounds interesting, let me know if you need anything."

"Will do Kens," Callen promised as they left, heading off to the crime scene.

"Great, stuck here with a busted foot and more paperwork!" Kensi groaned.

She got up to make herself a coffee and take more pain killers. Her ankle was still throbbing and she was seriously considering getting a doctor to check it because it was only getting worse. She'd had many sprained ankles in her lifetime and this one didn't feel quite like the others.

Kensi limped over to the coffee machine in the lunchroom because the coffee was so much better in there than the one near her desk. She had Sam to thank for that.

Once her cup was full and she'd taken two capsules of the _'supposably'_ non-drowsy pain meds they had available at work, she took a minute to let the drugs take effect. She sat herself down on the couch by the Bullpen and closed her eyes for just a second…

When she opened them again, Deeks was standing right in front of her and he looked extremely pissed!

She blinked a few times, had she fallen asleep? How long had he been standing there?

Deeks took a step forward and that's when she noticed his fists tightly clenched by his sides. She glanced up at his face and didn't recognise him through the rage that was burning in his eyes. He was glaring at her in a way that made her involuntarily tremble and she felt fear creep into her. He had obviously found out who shot his friend.

Kensi had only seen this side of her partner a couple of times since they'd been working together and his anger had never been directed at her… until now.

Everyone knew Deeks as the funny, sensitive, caring and cheeky LAPD Detective but there was an underside to Marty Deeks that very rarely surfaced.

Deeks was a good guy and a brilliant cop but like everyone, he had his limits and when his limits were pushed to the very end of his control, he snapped.

When Deeks was at the point where his limits were breached and he could no longer control his anger, it was like a completely different person took over his mind and his body. He called this dangerous side of himself Max.

This change in personality (Max) was a result from the abuse he'd suffered as a child in the hands of his father. It was a survival mechanism which allowed him to no longer feel pain or sadness. Instead all he felt was pure, burning rage!

Whilst his alter ego may have helped him in his youth, it was now threatening to destroy everything he had worked so hard to build in his adult life like his career, his friendships, his reputation and ultimately, himself.

"Deeks," Kensi said softly, hoping to snap him out of it. She knew Deeks would never hurt her, but Max on the other hand was a completely different story. Max was intimidating, unpredictable & aggressive.

"You killed him!" He spat, his voice dripping with anger. "You killed Jake!"

"I… I was just doing my job," Kensi stood up from the couch and forced herself to hold her ground even though every inch of her was screaming at her to **run**! "I didn't know."

"You killed him and I will **NEVER** forgive you Kensi!"

Without warning he closed the short distance between them and before she could react he punched her hard in the side of her face, catching both her lower jaw and her cheek.

The force of the hit was enough to knock her to the floor with a loud, echoing **THUD**. She brought a shaking hand up to her face and when she pulled away she saw her fingers coated in blood. She made no attempt at standing as she knew better having just suffered a blow to the head, she was already feeling woozy and she was still on the ground.

Deeks was hovering above her. She hesitantly glanced up, fearful that he would take another swing at her but instead she saw an expression of absolute horror plastered on his features. He was staring at her, his whole-body trembling with the realisation of what he had just done. **_He'd hit Kensi!_**

"K… Kens," he stuttered, frozen in place. "I… **Oh my God!** W…What have I d…done!"

She groaned and tried to push her body up to a sitting position but she couldn't, her head was spinning and her gut now churning. She gasped as a sharp pain shot across her jawline and up her cheek.

"Need help," she muttered, quickly discovering that talking was not such a great idea. More pain flared from the movement. She screwed her eyes shut, tears building in her throat.

Nell came flying down the stairs, _obviously she'd seen this all happen from the security cameras constantly replaying footage to ops for monitoring,_ and pushed Deeks out of her way.

She grabbed Kensi's unbruised cheek and slowly turned her friends head to run her eyes over the welt that was beginning to colour up from the hit. She ordered Eric to come down from upstairs and help because Kensi needed immediate medical attention.

"Ok, let's sit you up." Nell said softly, grabbing Kensi's hand and helping her lift herself off the cold floor.

A few agonising seconds later and Kensi was sitting with her back learning heavily against the couch.

She moaned loudly when Nell tried to wipe off some of the blood trailing down Kensi's jaw from the corner of her mouth. Her lip was also split and swollen but there was obviously more damage inside the agents mouth because the blood was still coming.

Eric appeared seemingly out of nowhere with an icepack from the freezer which he handed over to Nell. The younger agent/analyst very delicately eased the cold pack, now covered in a tea towel, onto Kensi's face.

" **Ouch!** " Kensi yelped and instantly reached up to remove the pack.

Nell held it firmly in place, "I know it hurts but you have to leave it there… And I think you should go to the hospital to get checked out. It's a pretty nasty injury!"

"Nope. N…Not going anywhere!" Kensi forced out.

Both Nell and Eric shook their heads at her. They knew very well how stubborn Kensi Blye could be and it didn't surprise them one bit that she refused to go to hospital.

"We'll wait until Sam gets back and go from there," Nell decided. She added the next part while staring Kensi straight in the eyes and giving her the 'don't argue with me' look. "He has medical experience so if he says you have to go to the hospital, you're going to the damn hospital!"

"What should we do with him?" Eric whispered to Nell, pointing to Deeks who was now backed into a corner looking at his hands which still had her blood smeared on them.

Nell answered calmly, "Just leave him to cool off a bit. I should imagine Hetty will need to talk to him when she gets back from her meeting."

 **…**

20 minutes later and Kensi was sitting at her desk with Nell working on her laptop which she'd set up on Callen's desk and Deeks was still silently staring at his partner from his spot in the corner. Eric had gone back upstairs.

Kensi had her head down and was holding the cooling icepack to her cheek. Her head was pounding! _God, it hurt._

Callen was the first to walk into the Bullpen, soon followed by Sam.

Callen stopped when he saw Nell at his desk. He threw her a confused look and she darted her eyes towards Kensi.

Callen followed her gaze and couldn't help but gasp, "W…What the hell happened?"

He stormed over to Kensi, startling her as she wasn't really paying any attention to what was going on around her, and quickly skimmed his eyes over her cheek. Sam was by her side in a flash, "Kensi who hit you?"

Kensi didn't know if she should tell them given that they already looked ready to kill whoever was responsible for her injuries. She instead shook her head and once again lowered her gaze, hoping they'd go away and leave her alone. She knew they wouldn't but it was worth a try.

"I'm going to have a look," Callen told her, gingerly removing the ice from her face and turning her head to get a full view of the affected area. He gasped. It looked bad. **"F***!"**

 **"Jesus Kensi!"** Sam exclaimed in horror. "I think you should go to the hospital."

Nell turned her head and stared Kensi down before she could protest, "I told her that earlier but you know Kensi!"

They nodded.

"I'm not going," Kensi mumbled. She tenderly put the cold pack back on her face and hissed at the pain it caused.

Sam shook his head at her, "oh you're going to the hospital Kensi! I will carry you if I have to but one way or another you **ARE** going!"

Kensi narrowed her eyes at him, "I don't want to."

 **"For goodness sake!"** Nell huffed, getting frustrated with her friend's stubbornness. "You're hurt! You need medical help. Just go to the damn hospital!"

Everyone was now staring at the smaller, ginger haired women in the room with wide eyes. No one dared stand up to Nell when she was in a mood and she was quite obviously _in a mood_ right now.

Even Kensi lowered her gaze to her desktop in defeat, "fine."

"I'll drive you," Sam offered knowing he was going to have his hands full preventing her from escaping.

They all knew how much Kensi hated hospitals and she would get out of going any way possible! He wouldn't put it past her to make a run for it, even with a busted foot and a nasty head injury.

"I will drive myself," she countered as she grabbed her keys and tried to stand. As soon as she began to lift her body off her chair she regretted the action and felt her stomach churn. Kensi swayed and sat back down. "Maybe not…."

A few seconds later and Kensi put a hand on her stomach, "I'm going to be sick!"

Nell grabbed the trashcan from beside Callen's desk and handed it quickly to Kensi. As soon as she had the trashcan, Kensi leaned over it and threw up.

Sam came back over to her and gently pulled Kensi's hair away from her face as Nell rubbed circles on her friend's back and Callen went to get her a glass of water.

Kensi continued to vomit repeatedly until there was nothing left in her stomach…

"You're ok Kens," Sam said softly. "We've got you."

When Kensi finally stopped retching and slowly sat up straight, her skin was even paler than it had been before and her body was trembling violently. The entire team was really worried now.

"Are you dizzy?" Nell asked her. "Is that why you were sick?"

Kensi nodded, "yeah."

Callen came back into the Bullpen and handed Kensi a glass of cool water, offering her a sympathetic smile when she carefully took it from him.

"Thanks," she whispered as she sipped the water slowly, wincing when she swallowed. She could taste blood in her mouth.

Sam was still glued to her side, smoothing her hair back from her face. He looked down at her again, wondering how this happened. _Who had hit her?_

None of them had noticed Deeks in the corner, watching them silently and still trying to calm down. He had tears sliding down his cheeks as he watched his best friend struggling to stay in control.

Kensi glanced in his direction, wanting to make sure he was ok. She didn't blame him for what happened. She was worried about him knowing he would be blaming himself. She wished he was sitting with her, holding her.

Deeks forced himself to meet her eyes, he thought she'd be angry at him but instead all he saw was worry. Worry for him. Even after what he'd done she still cared about him!

"I think we should call an ambulance," Callen suggested. He ignored the look Kensi threw at him and turned to Sam. "I don't think it's a good idea to try and take her by car. She's not stable enough… At least with the ambulance they'll be able to give her something for her nausea and they can monitor her better on the way to hospital."

Sam nodded, "sounds like a plan."

Nell already had her phone out and triple zero punched into the keypad. She put the device up to her ear and left the Bullpen to talk to the emergency call person.

Callen reclaimed his seat and turned to Kensi, "who hit you Kensi?"

Sam now had his eyes on her too, "you need to tell us what happened."

"I don't want to talk about it," Kensi said back. She had no intentions of telling them anything. "Just drop it."

"You know we can't do that." Callen replied, leaning forward to stare her down. "When we left here you were fine and when we came back we found you all busted up!"

She groaned, "I fell over."

"Really?" Sam couldn't stop the amused smirk from crossing his lips. "Do you really expect us to believe that Kensi?"

Callen also had a grin on his face, "we don't believe you."

"I walked into a door," she stated quietly, raising her eyebrows at the two men she had come to love like brothers. She knew she was sounding ridiculous but what else was she going to say?

They didn't even blink, "nope not buying it!"

"But…"

"But nothing!" Callen persisted. "Now the next words out of your mouth had better be the name of the person who hit you or I will give you my paperwork for the next month as well as everyone else's and" _he added the next part very quietly,_ "as team leader, I get a lot of paperwork!"

Kensi cringed, "Damn you Callen!"

"Name?"

"No." Kensi refused. "I can't."

Sam frowned, "why?"

"Because…" Kensi took a deep breath, "you'll kill him."

"Damn right we'll kill him!" Callen scowled, his jaw set in anger. "Look at what he did to you Kensi! As far as I'm concerned, he deserves everything he gets!"

Kensi shakes her head, "see I can't tell you… I won't tell you!"

"Who are you protecting?" Sam queried. He watched Kensi's eyes carefully as she looked at him then glanced behind him, across the room.

He half turned to follow her gaze and when he saw what she was sneaking glimpses at he almost lost control of himself… _No way. Not him. Can't be!_

 **"DEEKS?"** Sam yelled angrily, **"Deeks did this to you?"**

Kensi jumped at the fury in the older man's voice and met his eyes, "no I didn't say that!"

"You didn't say anything… That's the problem," Callen snapped. "Kensi did Deeks hit you?"

She shook her head slowly and lied, "no."

"Then who did?"

"No one did!" Kensi shot back as loud as she could with her face all messed up. "Just leave it."

"Ok," Callen stood up and started walking over to where their liaison was leaning up against the wall on the other side of the room. "I guess we'll just have to ask him."

Sam nodded, "he must know something."

" **No seriously just leave him alone!** It wasn't his fault! He wasn't thinking straight. He didn't mean it. **Please don't hurt him!"** Kensi began to hyperventilate as she panicked. She felt her head spin even more and her stomach twisted. She grabbed the trashcan in case she had to throw up again.

Callen turned to look at her, hearing the desperation in her small, shaky voice as she begged him not to hurt Deeks. _They had their answer now…_

Kensi met his eyes, "he didn't mean it."

Callen looked from Kensi to Deeks and back again, "but Kens, he hurt you."

"Yeah maybe," she admitted, "but I don't blame him… I know you're both angry and I understand you want to protect me but he is family too. As much as you hate him right now, violence isn't the answer. I know you would regret it later and besides I'm asking you, please, don't hurt him!"

 **"I can't believe this!"** Sam cried heatedly. He started to pace around the Bullpen, trying desperately to hold back his rage. "He hit you and you're still defending him!"

Kensi couldn't take it anymore. Her body was shutting down. Shock, pain, fear and exhaustion all taking its toll. She could hear Sam yelling nearby but she couldn't make out what he was saying. Words were just muffled noises and her vision, nothing more than distorted figures and flashes of colour.

Suddenly it was like she was underwater, struggling to reach the surface and stay awake. Instinctively she tried to focus on her breathing, _one breath in… one breath out…_ But even that was becoming more and more difficult to control. Darkness was coming fast, she knew she was on the verge of passing out.

Hearing her ragged breathing and seeing her face contorted in pain, Sam stopped pacing and came over to her. He leant his elbows against her desk and stared into her eyes which he immediately noticed, were unfocused and half closed.

"Just… Just don't hurt him!" she whispered before she fully sunk into unconsciousness. Sam caught her before her body could hit the floor.

Deeks was momentarily forgotten as the team now focused solely on their injured agent.

 **"Where's that ambulance?"** Sam all but screamed down the corridor. He could see Nell standing by the entrance of the old building, phone still in hand. She turned her head and upon seeing Kensi slumped over in the senior agents' arms, came running over to them.

"They're almost here," Nell answered quickly.

"Help me get her over to the couch," Sam suggested, knowing Kensi would be more comfortable there. He had her in his arms, her head resting against his shoulder. He supported her limp body as he slowly got to his feet and began to move over to the lounge.

Callen went ahead to prepare the couch and rid it of any paperwork or folders that they often left there.

"How bad is it?" Nell questioned nervously.

Sam lowered their junior agent onto the cushions and straightened up. They all looked down at Kensi who was laying on her back, eyelids fluttering gently, her expression troubled. Her head rolled to the side in her sleep.

Sam ran his hand over his face, "it's not good."

"D… Deeks?" Kensi muttered, stirring briefly. She fought to open her eyes but didn't quite manage. Her eyes rolled back again and she was out cold.

Callen quietly backed away from Kensi and slowly made his way over to the sobbing man across the room. Nell looked up as she realised where their team leader was going and a spark of uncertainty crossed her face.

 **"Callen!"** She called, getting no response what so ever. "Don't do anything stupid!"

"I'm just going to talk to him," Callen answered over his shoulder. "I'm not going to hurt him… Not yet anyway."

 **...**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Deeks played the last few moments back in his head, over and over and over again. Kensi had been defending him, desperately begging the guys not to hurt him before her body went limp and she fell into Sam's arms, unconscious.

He had watched as Sam carried his sleeping partner over to the couch and very carefully lowered her onto it. He heard her moan and then she said his name, _"Deeks?"_ before she lost consciousness again.

His rational mind told him to stay away from her but his heart was saying differently. He was at war with himself.

While he desperately wanted to hold her in his arms and make everything better, he also knew what he'd done was _, in his opinion,_ unforgivable. There was no plausible explanation for it, he wouldn't even try to defend himself. This was by far the worst thing he had ever done and the lowest he'd ever felt. He hated himself so much!

Kensi was his partner, his best friend, **his everything**! She meant more to him than anyone in his entire life. He couldn't deny that he loved her, he loved this woman so damn much it hurt!

"Deeks?"

He'd ruined everything. His partnership, his friendship with Kensi and the team, his career, their _'thing'_! Everything that meant so much to him was going to come to an end and it was all because of him!

"Deeks?"

He didn't deserve to live. He didn't deserve to breathe. He was never going to live this down. This was going to end him. This was his fault!

 **"DEEKS!"**

The detective jumped in surprise when Callen shouted in his ear and waved his hand in front of Deeks's face. Deeks glanced at him cautiously, taking deep shaky breaths to try to calm his wildly beating heart.

 _This is it!_ He thought. _I'm going to die. I deserve to die. God what have I done?'_

Now that he had the man's attention, Callen slid down the wall to sit beside Deeks and fixed his gaze upon the troubled LAPD officer.

"Deeks, I don't know what to say to you expect to ask you Why… WHY did you do it?" Callen questioned seriously. He looked Deeks straight in the eyes, waiting for an answer. "How could you do that to her? She trusted you!"

Deeks stuttered and shifted uncomfortably, "I… I don't know. I guess I just snapped! I was so angry at her for shooting my friend and I completely lost all control over my body… It was like I wasn't me anymore, like I was someone else!"

"Someone else?" Callen questioned softly, "Someone like Max?"

Deeks nodded and more tears fell from his eyes as he muttered to himself, "I didn't mean to hurt her! ... I… I didn't mean to hurt her! … Oh God what have I done? You're so stupid Deeks! **You're so f***ing stupid!"**

Callen took a few moments to study the younger man, taking in every detail. His eyes were puffy and wet, his cheeks were tear stained, his skin was ghostly pale, his entire body was violently trembling & his lips were quivering. There was a look in Deeks's eyes that he hadn't seen before. A mixture of hurt, sadness, regret and disbelief.

It was blatantly obvious to Callen that Deeks was not only suffering from severe shock but was also at war with his own thoughts. The man was literally tearing himself apart from the inside out and as angry as Callen was at him for what he'd done, the team leader knew he had to do the right thing & get Deeks some help. Kensi would never forgive him if he didn't…

"Ok Deeks," Callen patted his friend's knee gently. "We're going to get you some help! I think you need to talk to someone about what happened and we can sort everything else out after Kensi is stable."

Deeks nodded and dropped his head to his chest again as loud sobs racked his body.

 **…**

"Kens, its Sam. I don't know if you can hear me but you're going to be ok. We aren't going to let anything happen to you. I'm right here Kens. I'm not leaving you!"

Sam knelt beside his injured friend and stroked her cheek gingerly. The bruise was still appearing along her jawline and up the side of her face and she was very pale. Her body shivered as she lay unconscious on the couch, her breathing shallow and shaky.

He was really concerned about her, having some medical background he knew she was in trouble. He cared about Kensi like a little sister and the thought of someone harming her made his blood boil.

The thought of Deeks hurting her was completely surreal to him and he wasn't quite sure how to sort through all of the emotions that were currently raging through his system.

"How is she doing?" Nell asked, reaching out and patting Sam's shoulder. "Is she going to ok?"

"I don't know," Sam answered in a quiet voice. "She's definitely got a concussion and probably a broken jaw, maybe some dental trauma too judging from the amount of blood in her mouth…. Do you know where Hetty is?"

Nell shook her head and checked her tablet for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last ten minutes.

She glanced up a few seconds later, "I can't track Hetty. She's turned her phone off… But the ambulance is pulling in so I will go out and get them. They won't know where to go otherwise."

"I'll go with you," Eric volunteered and they both walked away, quickly heading to the hidden OSP entrance.

That just left Sam with Kensi in the Bullpen and Callen with Deeks across the room. It was eerily quiet, the only sounds coming from Deeks who was under the watchful eye of Callen, sobbing in the corner of the building uncontrollably.

Sam couldn't even look at the distraught detective in fear he might lose control and pummel him to death for what he had done. He knew Deeks hadn't meant to hurt Kensi but it didn't stop the anger from building up in his chest.

Sam forced his mind back to the young women in front of him and took a few deep, calming breaths before he carefully curled his fingers around Kensi's hand and gave it a light squeeze, "Kens, if you can hear me I need you to squeeze my hand."

Nothing.

He tried again a little louder, "Kensi squeeze my hand."

This time he was rewarded with a weak squeeze from her small fingers and she opened her eyes to look at him, "S… Sam?"

"Yeah Kens," he smiled at her. "You ok?"

"Not really," Kensi answered, her words slurring again. "I … I feel like I ran into a tr… truck!"

"You look like it too!"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "n… not funny."

Sam brushed a hand over her brow and leant down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead, "no more talking. Just rest."

"Hmmm," she muttered and closed her eyes.

A door opened and closed behind them and shortly after, he heard footsteps approaching. Sam turned around to see two paramedics coming towards him, followed closely by Nell and Eric.

"Hello, I'm Nick and this is Lisa," the male officer stated. They started unpacking their gear before kneeling beside Kensi. "We're going to be looking after your girl here."

Sam nodded and moved out of their way, "I'm Sam. That's Callen over there and of course you've already met Nell and Eric."

"Yes, we have all been introduced," Nick smiled as he pulled on a pair of disposable white gloves and grabbed out a sealed syringe from his kit. "I like the name Nell by the way, very cool."

"Thanks," Nell said quietly, her voice wavering slightly.

Hearing her frail tone, Eric moved a step closer to his shivering friend and placed his hands on her shoulders, giving them a gentle rub in the process. Nell turned to him, tears in her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him to her and holding him there. The shock of what had happened over the past few hours was finally catching up with her and she felt her adrenaline fading, giving way to fear!

They silently watched as the paramedics started working on Kensi…

 **…**

"So," Lisa carefully lowered herself to the ground in front of the couch, getting a quick glance from the agent who was barely able to stay awake at this stage. "You must be Kensi."

Kensi groaned and glanced at the ceiling, she didn't answer because, _in her opinion_ , there was no reason to. They already knew who she was and why they were there, they were just trying to get Kensi to stay awake and talk to them but Kensi didn't want to do either of those things…

The female paramedic started assessing the other women's injuries with her eyes, they looked pretty nasty. Lisa had seen her fair share of facial injuries over the many years she had been in the medical profession but this case was especially bad. The whole side of Kensi's face was black and obviously hurting a lot more than the agent was letting on.

There was a lot of tension in the air and Sam was watching them like a hawk, supervising the ambulance officers every movement. Lisa felt like she was under a magnifying glass and walking on egg shells at the same time. One wrong move and she'd be thrown over the cliff.

She had no doubt that Sam could and would do anything to protect Kensi and right now that scared her because she didn't know if they could save the agent that was obviously dearly loved… But they were going to do their best!

Nick knelt beside his partner and took the agents hand in his, "can you tell us what happened today Kensi? How did you get this injury?"

Kensi didn't make a sound, she just laid there staring at them with a distant look in her eyes.

Nick shook his head and began wiping the back of Kensi's wrist with an antibacterial swap, locating a vein under her skin a few seconds later. "That's ok. You can tell us later…"

"We're going to put the cannula in now Kensi… You're going to feel a bit of a sting," Lisa opened the sealed package Nick had given to her and passed him the needle. "Take a deep breath…"

Kensi did as asked and watched Nick insert the drip into her vein. It stung a bit but Kensi didn't even blink.

"Good job," the male paramedic praised as he placed a clear stripe of tape over the cannula and attached a bag of fluids to the tubing. "We can give you some pain relief now."

Kensi nodded at that. _Pain relief sounded amazing!_

"Have you taken anything today?" Lisa asked, writing on Kensi's chart. "Any medications?"

Kensi was about to reply no but remembered she had taken something at lunch for her foot. She groaned and nodded slowly, "at lunch I t… took a couple of pain killers for my f… foot."

Lisa looked up from the clipboard and frowned, "what's wrong with your foot Kensi?"

"I…. I…" Kensi was really struggling now. Her mouth just wasn't cooperating and her words wouldn't come out.

She could just see Callen across the room and caught his eye. He nodded his head at her, immediately understanding what she needed.

"I think she has a sprained ankle. She wouldn't let anyone look at it but she was definitely limping this morning," Callen called over to them. "She must have slipped on something yesterday afternoon because she left pretty quickly after work. I asked her about it this morning but …"

The male paramedic pulled a small silver torch from his pocket, "ok Kensi. We'll finish checking you over here, then we'll have a look at your foot…"

"O… Ok,"

"I'm going to shine this torch into your eyes. I want you to follow the light without moving your head," Nick explained. "Ready?"

She gave him a weak nod.

Nick quickly flicked the light in and out of her eyes, noticing her wincing slightly at the brightness and noting it on her chart.

She did as he had asked but her movements were sluggish and obviously painful.

"That's all ok," he put the torch away. "You have very pretty eyes Kensi."

Kensi didn't have the strength to smile or reply. Instead she glanced over at Sam and immediately met his worried gaze. He was focused only on her, she was his only concern right now. He could deal with everything else later…

"Kensi,"

Lisa's voice broke Kensi out of her thoughts and she turned her attention back to the ambulance officer.

"If your pain was on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being little to no pain and 10 being the worst pain of your life, what would your pain level be right now?"

Now everyone in the room was staring expectantly at Kensi, waiting for her to answer. She opened her mouth to reply but Sam quickly butted in, "we need the truth Kens."

She shut her eyes, "it's about an 8… maybe a 9."

Callen dropped his head at her confession knowing it was bad when Kensi admitted to being in that much pain. Usually their tough as nails junior agent would never admit to weakness! Yet here she was clearly stating she was in a bad way for everyone to hear.

 _That must have been really hard for her to say,_ he realised.

"Ok we're going to give you something for that now," Nick swiftly pulled a vile of clear fluid out of his supplies bag and drew the liquid into another syringe before injecting it into Kensi's IV cannula.

Kensi moaned as the coolness of the liquid ran up her arm.

"You should start feeling better in a few minutes. It doesn't take long to work," said Lisa. "It might make you a little sleepy but that's normal and it won't actually put you to sleep, you'll just feel a little out of it for a while."

"We can't give you anything stronger until we get you to the hospital and the doctors have accessed your concussion," Nick clarified. "We're going to have a quick look at your foot now then we will take you to the hospital for x-rays and further tests."

He already had one of her boots off and was working on removing the second boot when she shrieked at the pain his touch caused. He glanced up in alarm and saw she had her head turned away from them, her eyes screwed shut.

"Ok, that's pretty sore there huh?"

She bit her lower lip and sucked in a breath, "Y…Yeah."

"Can I hold her hand now?" Sam asked Lisa gently. He was feeling so useless standing by watching while Kensi was hurting in front of him. The least he could do was comfort her.

"Of course," Lisa nodded and moved to help her partner.

Kensi reached a hand out towards Sam and buried her face in his shirt, sobbing quietly and hissing as the paramedics finished pulling off her sock. Her foot was still bandaged but it was already quite obvious this wasn't just a sprain.

"Ow," Kensi yelped when they lifted her ankle to unclip the bandage.

Sam held her close, rubbing her back and hiding her tears from the rest of the team. He knew she hated herself for showing pain in front of them, it was just who she was.

" _Shhh_ Kens, it's ok. It's nearly over!" Sam whispered into her hair. "You're doing so well… I'm so proud of you Kensi!"

"We all are," Nell added quietly from the sidelines.

Eric nodded in agreement, "you're doing amazing Kensi!"

As soon as the bandage was fully removed everyone gasped. Her ankle was purple and very swollen. Nick gently felt around the bones and located the fracture at the base of her foot.

Kensi whimpered and growled at him as he slowly and very carefully poked around her ankle. He forced himself to ignore her, it was absolutely necessary that they locate any fractures or breaks so they could make sure it was protected from further damage on the way to the hospital.

Still he couldn't help but feel guilty about causing the young women pain.

He winced in sympathy as he confirmed the placement of the fracture, "It's fractured. We won't know how badly until we get to the hospital and she has x-rays but it doesn't look good… You're really in the wars at the moment aren't you kiddo?"

"Hurts," Kensi grunted as she tried to move her foot away from the paramedics. Nick held her leg in place and Lisa grabbed the supplies they'd need to treat the injury.

"I know it hurts honey," Nick tried to comfort the distressed agent. "But you're strong! You can do this, I know you can! From what I've seen so far, I'd say you're one hell of a tough cookie! I know you'll be back to fighting bad guys in no time!"

"He's right Kens," Callen called over to the group. "You are a hell of a fighter! You **CAN** do this!"

Kensi glanced at him briefly and saw he had tears falling from his eyes too. A quick look past him and she could just make out the trembling figure of her partner.

She sighed and turned back to Sam who wordlessly wrapped her back up in his arms and held her to his chest as the paramedics began working on her foot.

Kensi was shaking violently now, sobbing softly and holding onto Sam with as much strength as she could muster. She was starting to feel the effects of the pain drugs they'd given her and her vision was becoming somewhat blurry again.

Lisa placed an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose, being careful not to put any pressure on Kensi's cheek, "this will help you breathe better honey."

Kensi just wanted all of this to be over, "ok."

Nick re-bandaged her ankle and stabilised her foot as best he could without causing Kensi too much discomfort. Once they'd finished that, Nick left Kensi in Lisa's care and he went out to retrieve the gurney from the ambulance.

Lisa knelt beside Sam and smiled lightly at Kensi who was now looking directly at her, deep in thought.

"A few more minutes and we'll have you on your way to hospital," Lisa gently stated. She could almost see Kensi's mind racing as the tired NCIS agent tried to fight the grogginess in her head. Suddenly Kensi was staring at her intently, a look of desperation crossing her pale face…

Kensi eyed the female paramedic carefully for a second, "I…. I can't leave n… now. N… not until someone has h… helped Deeks."

Lisa and Nick, who had just returned with the gurney, simultaneously threw a questioning look towards Sam and he immediately wiped a hand over his face in obvious frustration before he answered.

"Detective Deeks… Her partner," Sam sent a meaningful glance over to where Callen and Deeks were sitting. He peered past Callen and caught a pair of watery blue eyes looking back at him.

"Actually, he WAS her partner but …" Sam kept his gaze on Deeks as he spoke, seeing the younger man visibly finch with his next words… "He's not her partner anymore."

"Oh," Lisa nodded, turning back to her patient. "And ah, what's the problem with this Detective Deeks then, Kensi?"

"He… I…" Kensi tried to force her brain to work and form a sentence but it just wasn't happening. Instead she reached out to Sam again, successfully catching his attention. "Y… You have to m… Make sure he is ok!"

Sam narrowed his eyes at what she'd said, **"You're kidding me? … Kens tell me you're not serious!"**

She just looked at him and he knew she wasn't playing around. She was, in all honesty, worried about the man who had hit her. He could only shake his head at her in disapproval, not trusting his mouth to reply in fear he would say something he'd later regret.

He just couldn't get his head around why she was so worried about her low life partner who had hurt her so badly! He didn't understand it. He couldn't process it.

He was going to explode if he sat there any longer and he was determined not to swear in front of Kensi, she had enough to deal with. So, he calmly leant over and kissed her again on the forehead before backing away from her and leaving her with the paramedics.

When he walked past Callen and Deeks, he didn't acknowledge them, just kept going. He headed for the boatshed where he knew he would be alone and free to express his anger safely away from everyone in the Bullpen.

…

Kensi watched Sam leave and couldn't believe this was all happening.

All she wanted was Deeks there with her, holding her and reassuring her that everything was going to be ok, that they would work it out together… Like they always did!

But this time was different and deep down she knew it was over. He was never going to forgive himself for this. _How could he?_

Whether she liked it or not, she had to face the fact that they couldn't fix this and he wasn't going to come back to her. Not now. Not ever!

Sure, she could beg him to stay and tell him she didn't blame him for anything but that wasn't going to change anything in the end. It was already too late… It was already done…

That thought brought desperate tears to her eyes and her heart ached unbearably. She had lost her best friend, partner and the only man she had ever really loved. The one person who meant the most to her in the world!

Kensi felt the first of many tears slide down her cheek and couldn't help the sob that came after. She was hurting, physically and emotionally. She knew she would heal from the physical pain but loosing Deeks… that she knew she would never be able to fully overcome.

 **...**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

Henrietta Lange sat quietly at the end of the table listening to Director Vance's speech regarding their yearly budget and how she had somehow gone over _said_ budget already. He had flown into LA the night before, right after receiving the annual budget review for NCIS.

From inside her handbag Hetty's mobile buzzed for what seemed like the umpteenth time that morning. Unable to answer it with her boss still ranting and raving in the room with her, she simply pressed decline as she had done so many times that day.

Being the smart and cunning women, she was Hetty knew her team would be trying to locate her using her phone so she had turned her GPS off. She was officially off grid until the _'meeting'_ with Director Vance was over and she prayed it would be over soon! Leon was defiantly not in a good mood and she had better things to do with her time… Like run a unit.

Her thoughts drifted to her small but lethal group of highly trained NCIS agents and she briefly wondered what the case was they'd obviously been given.

Was it a missing Marine? A bomb threat in the city? A kidnapping? The body found murdered on the beach somewhere?

Whatever it was she was confident her team could handle it...

…..

Meanwhile Kensi had _FINALLY_ been loaded into the ambulance and was on her way to hospital after putting up quite a fight to stay with Deeks instead.

She was groggy, slightly out of it and very sleepy. The drugs the paramedics had given her only a half hour ago were working their magic but she still felt dizzy and every time they would hit a bump, go up/down a hill or round a tight corner she'd get a wave of queasiness in the pit of her stomach.

They hit a rather large pothole and the vehicle hopped to the left before balancing out and driving straight again. They were obviously going at a considerable speed and even in her dazed state Kensi could hear the faint ring of sirens from the van as it sped towards the ER.

The sudden movement of the ambulance was enough to make Kensi vomit again but this time she'd had no warning and she was sick all over her shirt. Lisa leapt into action, grabbing wipes from an overhead compartment and a sick bucket from a pocket behind the gurney Kensi was currently resting on.

Within seconds Lisa was rolling Kensi onto her side so that she wouldn't choke on her vomit and started cleaning the agent up. Kensi was a mess. She had vomit everywhere on her shirt, in her hair, on the bed and now on the floor.

Blood was again flowing from the agents' mouth. They'd given her a drug to stop the bleeding back at OPS before they'd left but the violent movements of Kensi's body as she was sick had dislodged the clot in her wounds and allowed fresh blood to pass through. She was losing a lot of it!

Kensi groaned as pain filled her face, the motion of retching was excruciating especially with her jaw all messed up. Lisa rubbed her back and tried to settle her patient down, she could see Kensi was in agony and felt bad for her. Being a paramedic Lisa had seen many injuries and met lots of different people but she had a soft spot for Kensi. She could tell this woman was a good person and definitely didn't deserve this.

All Kensi wanted to do was go to sleep, forget everything that'd happened and wake up to a new day where Deeks was still her partner.

He would always be her best friend no matter what anyone said or did, Deeks was the one person in the entire world that mattered the most to her and there was nothing that could change that. She just hoped that by some absolute miracle they could fix this!

Before she knew what was happening Kensi was being lifted out of the ambulance and onto another gurney. She didn't even know they'd arrived at the hospital until she was passing through the emergency doors and into a long white corridor. The brightness hurt her eyes but she kept them open, she wanted to see where they were taking her. Lisa was talking to the doctors, her words unclear to Kensi but she guessed that the experienced paramedic would be providing stats and information about her, _their patient_ , to the medical team that was going to be treating her.

At the end of the walkway Kensi's bed was turned and pushed backwards into a cubicle. Her vision had gone fuzzy again but she could still see Lisa at the foot of her bed talking to one of the staff. After a minute or two Lisa finished filling the team in and came over to say goodbye to Kensi. She wished her good luck and said she'd drop in later to see how she was doing. Then she left.

Now surrounded by strangers Kensi began to panic. She hated hospitals. She hated not being in control of the situation. She was beginning to hyperventilate again when a familiar voice instantly calmed her down.

"Hey Kens,"

"C… Callen?" She squeaked, trying to make out the figure of the man who was now standing beside her on her right. He slipped his hand over hers and gave it a quick squeeze to reassure her.

"Yeah," he replied quietly. "How are you holding up?"

Kensi didn't respond to his question because her brain was still trying to clear the fog that had settled there. Her thoughts were all jumbled. Her mind was racing. She couldn't think straight.

As she laid there she started to register new sounds and smells, her senses were slowly coming back to her. Then all of a sudden it was like someone had flicked a switch in her head and turned her hearing to hypersensitive! She could hear everything…

The machines she was being hooked up to beeped in time to her heart rate, the oxygen tank attached to the mask they'd just put on her face rumbled behind her head, the emergency unit doors slid open and closed as paramedics dropped off new patients from the ambulances, doctor's footsteps paced around her bed, outside her cubicle a pen fell to the floor and rolled across the hallway, people in other rooms were crying and there were so many voices, _although unclear_ , floating all around her. Voices that belonged to the team treating her, voices that belonged to the nurses outside in the nursing station, voices of other patients talking quietly in other cubicles and finally she heard Callen's voice in her ear asking her if she was ok.

At the sound of Callen's voice, Kensi grabbed hold of his hand and gripped it tightly. Sensing her anxiety peaking he lent down to her and placed a very gentle kiss on her pale forehead.

"Everything is going to be ok Kens," he reassured her. "You are going to be ok."

"H…. How's D… Deeks?" Kensi stuttered, taking Callen by surprise. She'd just completely changed the subject on him.

"He's ok. I left him with Nell and Eric for a bit until I get back. He's calmed down a lot and he's really sorry Kens..." Callen pulled up a chair and sat by Kensi's head. "But I don't trust him around you anymore and neither does Sam."

Seeing Kensi's expression drop further Callen quickly added, "but we can talk about that later. Right now, you need to get better and I'm here to make sure you co-operate with the doctors."

Kensi nodded and turned her face away from him, "I'm in so m… much pain! I j…. just want to sleep."

"You will be able to sleep after they have done their tests and made sure you don't have a concussion, which I'm pretty sure you have by the way."

Kensi didn't reply, she was now watching the doctors working on her.

Exhausted she began to zone out…

…

A few hours later Kensi was admitted into the overnight care unit at the hospital for observation. She had been extremely lucky and didn't suffer any fractures to her face, just deep bruising and a mild concussion, which they were keeping an eye on.

She did have some dental trauma and would need to see a dental specialist at some stage in the next week or two but nothing major.

The medical staff that treated her in the emergency unit were absolutely baffled and stunned that she didn't have any serious injuries given the amount of bruising to her face.

Kensi's foot however was definitely fractured, badly! She had two fractures at the base of her ankle, both nasty breaks. She would be in a moon boot for several weeks and would need to rest her leg in order for her ankle to heal.

Callen had stayed by her side as much as he could and was now sitting next to her bed watching tv. Kensi was dozing in and out of a light sleep, she was restless and uncomfortable in the hospital bed.

Hours past by uneventfully. It was now close to midnight and everyone had settled in until morning. The night staff had long since arrived and were doing their usual rounds. They dimmed the lights at nine o'clock sharp and apart from the nurses there was no one around, it was eerily quiet.

Callen decided he'd spend the night, _telling himself it was to stop Kensi from getting up and walking out_ but secretly he was still worried about her. He hated seeing her so upset. He knew this situation was hurting her and he wished he could fix it.

Kensi & Deeks had always been close, closer than Callen could ever hope to be with Kensi. The two partners had something special between them since the beginning & it was obvious how much they cared for each other.

Now Kensi was facing a future without her partner and she was terrified. Callen could see, _for the first time in the many years he'd known her_ , the fear, pain and regret in the young women's eyes.

His friend/agent/adopted sister was falling apart before his very eyes and he felt helpless. He wanted to be there for her but he wasn't sure how. Sam had always been the compassionate, comforting one on the team, not Callen.

Callen found it much more difficult to show emotion than his brother, _as G. often referred to Sam as his brother - they were after all a family._ But Callen knew he would always be there for Kensi and when the time comes and he is needed, he knew in his heart that he'd know exactly what to do to help her.

Sometime during the early hours of morning, one of the nurses brought him some coffee, a blanket and a pillow. There was an old armchair in the corner of the room closest to the window so he curled up in it and watched his junior agent sleep.

…

 **That's chapter 4 finished! :) One more Chapter to go.**

 _I am working on the final chapter now so should be uploading an update tomorrow._

 _I hope you guys are still enjoying the story. If you have any ideas/suggestions or feedback please let me know as I can always go back later and improve parts of the story._

 _Thank you for sticking with me and for all your support! I will have more story for you soon._

 _Kind regards,_

 _Ashmagic17_


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 – The Final Chapter**

… Part 1 …

The next morning Kensi woke to the sound of someone snoring lightly nearby.

She gathered it was probably Sam or Callen since they had both visited her last night and one of them would have no doubt stayed to make sure she remained in bed, they all knew she had a bad habit of getting up and walking out of hospitals even with injuries such as a fractured foot. And knowing she had gone home the night that she received the injury and said nothing until the following day, her team had good reason to be sceptical. Kensi Blye was as tough and stubborn as they come.

Kensi tried to turn her head to see who it was in the room with her, but found it was too painful to move with all hospital gear attached to her.

Reaching up with her hands she quickly removed the oxygen mask that was covering her face, _with that off she might be able to turn her head just a little bit…_ Nope she couldn't even do that. The effort made her vision swim and for the briefest of seconds she started to panic.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of movement by the door and a moment later someone quietly walked into her room. She again tried to move her head to look around but this time she was stopped by the person that was now standing awkwardly by her bed.

"You shouldn't be moving Kens,"

"DEEKS!" Kensi gasped, both in surprise and relief. "W…What are you d… Doing here?"

Deeks grabbed the small plastic chair that Callen had been sitting in last night and took a seat beside her. She immediately brought one of her hands up to rest on his arm and he moved so that he could hold her hand instead.

He had a sad lost look in his eyes that Kensi had never seen before. She quickly became uneasy about the reason why he was visiting her. She had a bad feeling about what he was about to say…

"Kens, you are the most important person in my life. You've been my partner and best friend for a long time and you've gotten to know me better than anyone ever has and probably ever will. You've been by my side through some tough times both on and off the job. You didn't leave me to deal with anything alone like when I was shot or when Sam & I were tortured,"

Kensi shivered at that memory but remained silent as she listened to him.

"I tried to push you away then, but you didn't let me, even though I didn't deserve your friendship and for that I will always be extremely grateful. You are an amazing person Kensi Blye. You're strong, beautiful and dangerous. I love you with all my heart Kens," he took a breath and glanced at her face to see her reaction to those words before continuing, "but I must go. After what I did yesterday, I can't trust myself around you anymore. I vowed I'd never hurt anyone like that, but I did and there's no excuse for it. I still can't believe I did that to you!"

Kensi had tears streaming down her cheeks now, already knowing what was coming next. She could see it in his eyes, in his body language.

He was going to leave her. He was going to leave like Jack did so many years ago. He was going to give up on everything they had between them and run away leaving her to deal with the broken pieces of her heart.

Kensi had barely handled Jack leaving, she didn't know how she would ever live through loosing Deeks!

Deeks was refusing to meet her eyes as he struggled to control his emotions. He knew Sam and Callen would never forgive him for what had happened and to be honest neither would Deeks.

This conversation and what he was about to do was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, and he would much rather take multiple bullets than see the pain in Kensi's eyes as he walks away from her... _Forever_!

But he knew it was the only way she would be safe. Kensi had her NCIS family to help her through his absence, to be there for her and support her. Deeks knew she would be ok and the guys would never let her deal with this by herself. Seeing how devoted and protective Sam was yesterday just proved that fact. Kensi was in good hands.

"Deeks please you don't have to do this," Kensi began pleading even before he had said another word. "Please Deeks you're everything to me!"

"I'm sorry Kens. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry that I am leaving you and I'm sorry I can't be here for you like you have been for me, but I have to go. This is the only way. I hate myself for what I did! Kensi I **HATE** myself. You never deserved what I did to you and…" His voice trailed off as he eyed her cheek as if he were seeing the damage for the first time. His face lost all colour as he studied her jawline, tracing the large dark bruise with his eyes.

He reached out to touch the side of her face and she instinctively pulled away before his hand made contact with her. Shocked at her reaction, he finally met her gaze and saw a flash of fear and hurt settle there. He let out a shaky breath as he realized he'd done that to her. She was subconsciously scared of him!

"I really am sorry Kens," Deeks whispered before turning and running from the room, quickly disappearing down the corridor.

"Deeks!" Kensi called after him as loud as she could manage. The movement hurt her mouth and jaw, but she didn't care, she couldn't lose him. She just couldn't! **_"DEEKS!"_**

The sound of Kensi's frantic yelling woke Callen and he immediately appeared at her side looking confused and alarmed.

"Kensi what happened?"

"D…. Deeks was… h…here but he l… left!" Kensi stuttered between gasps. She was crying now, her body shaking violently with her sobs. She took in one mouthful of air after another and Callen knew that if she kept going like this she would make herself sick.

He sat on the edge of the bed and started trying to calm her down but after a few minutes he came the conclusion, nothing that he was doing was working.

"Come on Kens," he soothed as he rubbed her back and moved some of her hair out of her eyes. "It's ok, everything is going to be ok."

 **"** **No it's…. It's not!"** She replied sharply. "I can't live without him G. **I can't!** Please I can't lose him! You've got to find him and bring him back to me **!** "

Callen had never seen his friend like this, _actually come to think of it_ he'd never seen anyone like this!

Kensi was desperate and broken. She didn't care that she was crying in front of her team leader nor that she was causing more damage to the trauma inside her mouth, she just wanted Deeks. She needed her partner back!

"Don't let me lose him," she muttered, now in a state of hysterics. " **Oh God** this is worse than when Jack left me! **I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN**. I don't want to live without him! I don't want to be alone again. I can't go back to how I was before I met Deeks. I can't… I don't know what to do… I…"

Callen had heard enough, "KENSI!" He snapped, lifting her chin to look into her tear-filled eyes. " **Stop this**. You're going to be fine! You don't need him. He hurt you. You are going to get past this. **You're not alone!** You have me and Sam, Hetty, Nell and Eric to help you get through this! We will all help you get through this! YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!"

His junior agent was quiet for a moment before returning his gaze and the words that she said next were spoken with such truth and sincerity that Callen couldn't ague with her anymore.

 **"** **I do need him, he's my everything!"**

With that said Kensi broke down again and this time Callen didn't respond with words. Instead he leant forward and embraced Kensi in his strong arms, pulling her small trembling frame towards his chest and holding her there, allowing her to cry on his shoulder.

He had never done this before, but it felt right, and he knew this is what she needed so he held her until her sobs settled and her body relaxed then he laid her down against the pillow, _realising she had passed out from exhaustion_ , and sat with her for the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out his next move.

 **…**

The next day Kensi was released from hospital after being given the all clear from the doctor and prescribed a handful of pain medications. She was more than happy to get out of there.

Sam had arrived early to pick her up as a very tired Callen went home for some R&R.

"Thanks for picking me up Sam," Kensi offered quietly as she and Sam made their way into the carpark.

She was on crutches and moving a lot slower than Sam was used to. He had to resist the urge several times to pick her up and carry her to the Challenger but he had a feeling she wouldn't be too thrilled about that. She might be injured but Kensi Blye was still a brilliant shooter & she had her service weapon back! Sam decided to play it safe.

"No problem Kens," he smiled at her. "Do you need anything before I drop you home?"

Kensi shook her head, "no I'm good."

"Ok then," Sam replied with a nod. "Let's get you home."

 **…**

20 minutes later and Kensi was safely inside her house, sitting on her couch with her injured foot propped up on a pillow.

Nell and Eric were making everyone dinner in her kitchen. Sam was resting on the other end of Kensi's couch reading through a sports magazine that he had found amongst the clutter on Kensi's coffee table.

Since he was planning on spending some time in Kensi's apartment while she recovered he decided he would do a clean up one day during the week, whether Kensi liked it or not. He figured it was the best time to get her place looking ship-shape while she couldn't physically hurt him for it, he would simply have to make sure her weapons were not in reach when he told her his plan.

He might even be able to get some extra hands and muscle for the job in the form of Callen, Hetty _(who would be in charge of controlling a very pissed Kensi)_ and the wonder twins. It was going to be a hell of a task and dangerous too, it could be their most dangerous mission yet…

He smiled at the thought and continued to read.

"Dinner will be ready in ten," Nell called from the stove. "Hannah get your butt in here and help Beale set the table!"

Sam glanced at Kensi with a knowing look, Nell was very much like Hetty at times and it was scary! Kensi smirked at him, relieved for once that she wasn't the one getting bossed around by her _Hetty-like_ NCIS sister.

"Yes ma'am," Sam replied swiftly as he got up and moved into the kitchen. Eric was waiting for him with plates and cups in hand. "You right Eric? You look a bit out of place."

Eric just stared blankly at Sam, awkwardly trying to juggle the items he was holding. He was definitely out of his comfort zone right now. Being in Kensi's house for the first time and having Nell watching his every move like an overbearing mother was not making this easy on him. But he would do anything for his friends and he was all to happy to help Kensi any way he could.

Once the table was ready and the food was dished out Sam came back into the living room to retrieve Kensi. He helped her up from the couch and let her lean against him as she hobbled to her seat. He saw her wince a few times and made a note to review her medication timetable after dinner.

They ate in a comfortable silence, each in their own thoughts.

Afterwards Nell and Eric cleaned up, Sam gave Kensi her pain meds and Kensi then went to change into her night clothes. She thanked everyone for their help and for being there. It meant a lot to her that they all cared so much.

Nell had already organised to stay over to keep an eye on Kensi, this would probably be the case for the next few weeks until their tough as nails agent was fully back on her feet.

So, Nell stayed and the boys left, Kensi had already fallen asleep on her bed when Nell came in to check on her. Seeing Kensi was fine Nell made her way to the couch and got comfortable. It was going to be a long night…

 **TBC with PART 2**

 **...**

HEY,

So now I will start working on the last part of this story! I have a few ideas on how to end it so will decide on one and get it uploaded ASAP for you guys.

Thank you for following me and for all the reviews!

I won't keep you waiting much longer. I will get working on it this week/weekend coming. I will have it finished by Christmas ;) and I am going to hopefully start working on some of my other stories too. If you have any ideas for more stories please let me know. Take care.

Thank you, Ashmagic17

I OWN NOTHING


	6. Chapter 5 PT 2

**CHAPTER 5 – Part 2**

Several months had passed since Kensi had last seen Deeks.

Seven months she had been looking desperately to find him with no success. Seven long and miserable months that she had to live without him and everyday he was missing, broke her heart just that little bit more.

Kensi had put his picture out to all the airports, boat owners, hospitals, doctors, LAPD operatives and federal agents working in the area, if anyone saw him they were to immediately contact her and she would immobilise the team to track him down. She would drag him back if she had to, kicking and screaming all the way, she didn't care. She needed to talk to him and make sure he was ok.

She couldn't keep going like this. She wasn't sleeping. She wasn't eating. She could barely keep her head above water. Her body felt numb, _empty_. All that remained was the pain he had left behind when he walked out of her hospital room door so many months ago.

Her physical injuries were healed and she was 100% fit for work but her mental state was anything but good. Her heart ached for his touch, just to hold his hand or run her fingers through his scruffy blonde hair. She missed his eyes and the emotion in his gaze. God, she missed this man so much it was killing her and the thought of not seeing him again made her blood run cold.

Sure, the guys were there for her and had been great since she got out of the hospital but they weren't Deeks. She loved them beyond words but her love for Deeks ran deeper and she needed him. _So, she kept looking_.

What Kensi didn't realise was that Deeks had gone deep underground and it didn't look like he would resurface any time soon.

…

Six weeks later Sam and Callen dragged their exhausted, cold and aching bodies into the first building they came across as they tried to escape the relentless rain outside. They had just finished with their latest case and were on their way home when the challenger had abruptly broken down on the highway.

Sam hadn't been able to fix the problem in this weather and neither of them had cell phone reception out here so they'd had to, _very reluctantly_ , leave the car on the side of the road and walk to find a payphone.

It had taken them an hour to find this place, it was the only building in the area with lights on and as soon as they were inside they knew they were going to be here for a while.

It was an old pub of sorts with a rustic style bar, a few wooden stools and tables placed around the centre of the room, stained navy-blue carpet throughout and booths around the edges of the pale brick building.

There were no windows in this place but there was a sad looking pool table to the right of the bar where a group of guys were talking amongst themselves, all with smokes and beer in their hands.

It was not the kind of place Callen would normally drink or hangout in but it was a pub - _which meant they had beer_ – and it was much warmer in here than it was outside so he figured it would have to do for tonight.

"You get us a seat," Sam suggested as he started walking over to the bar. "I'll find out if they have a payphone."

Callen nodded and began pushing his way through the crowd to the back of the room. He quickly settled into a booth in the corner and rubbed his shoulders with his hands, realising for the first time just how cold he was.

He looked around at the people standing nearby, they were all tough looking men with tattoos covering most of their exposed skin and obviously they'd not showered for quite some time. The smell in this place was revolting, but it was still better than being outside in the freezing rain.

There was one person sitting in a booth to his left that didn't quite fit in with everyone else. This guy was hunched over, obviously alone and hiding his face in a brown hoodie.

Callen didn't take much notice of him as he waited for Sam to return. There were a lot of strange people in this pub tonight, best not draw unwanted attention to yourself he figured.

Sam came back a few minutes later and sat opposite his partner, handing over a beer and wearing an amused expression on his face.

"What did Kensi say?" Callen asked, partly dreading the answer.

It was two in the morning and waking their feisty junior agent at this hour to ask for a lift home probably wasn't their best idea but they didn't have many options.

"She was pissed!" Sam replied, "she said she'd be here in an hour, maybe two given the weather."

"Well we may as well drink up until she gets here," Callen shrugged with a tired smile. "Besides, it could very well be our last drink."

"Well partner," Sam grinned and held up his glass, "to our last drink!"

"To our last drink," Callen lightly tapped his beer against Sam's and they both took a mouthful. "That's a good beer."

 **…** **.**

Kensi arrived two hours later and walked inside to find most of the people in the bar had gone home since Sam called her. There were only a handful of guys left.

Ignoring the very inappropriate looks she was getting from a couple of younger men standing by the door, Kensi walked inside and glanced around the room.

 **It was a dump!**

She immediately screwed her nose up at the smell of this place, it had the aroma of body sweat, un-showered men, alcohol and cigarettes. It was a strong odour and for a second, she thought she was going to throw up.

 _How could anyone want to hang out here?_

Deciding she didn't want to spend anymore time in this disgusting venue than absolutely necessary, Kensi refocused her eyes on the people around her and she began scanning the pub for her two stranded friends.

She quickly spotted them at the back of the room and from this distance, both seemed to be passed out with their heads resting on the tables, their faces turned away from her.

Kensi approached Callen and Sam's table, immediately taking in the eight empty beer bottles that sat pushed to the far end of their bench.

"Well I probably should just leave you two here then," she stated and watched as both men looked up at her tiredly. "You look like you're quite ok here."

"Thanks for coming Kens," Callen, _who seemed to be slightly less drunk,_ began to get up and pulled Sam up with him. They didn't get far however, both unable to stay on their feet. "We... We had a few drinks while we were waiting for you."

"I can see that," she shook her head at them, feeling both amused and frustrated at the same time. "Can you make it to the car?"

Callen nodded but Sam shrugged, "I'm so tired K,"

Kensi raised her eyebrows, "did… did you just call me K?"

"Sam may have had a bit too much," Callen explained. "We had to leave the challenger on the side of the road..."

"I had to leave my challenger Kens," Sam repeated sluggishly. "I had to..."

"So, you decided to drink yourself stupid," Kensi frowned. "I expected more from you Hannah."

She was never going to let them live this one down… Callen and Sam, _two fully grown men – two experienced senior NCIS agents_ who were supposed to be her superiors yet here they were intoxicated and stranded in some awful smelling bar in the middle of God knows where!

Sam threw her a sheepish grin, "sorry K."

"Right, both of you get up and start walking!" Kensi ordered, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at them. "If you can't walk I will happily drag your sorry arses out to the car!"

"Yes ma'am," Callen immediately stood and started moving away from the booth. Before he got too far away he turned and shouted over his shoulder, "Shotgun!"

"No fair!" Sam yelled back, still trying to get out of his seat. "You know how she drives! You can't put me in the back in this condition. I will never make it home!"

"Sorry partner," Callen had a wide grin on his face. "You do the crime, you do the time."

"Ah man!" Sam grumbled with a loud _huff_. He clearly wasn't impressed. "You just wait _'partner'_. Next time we have to take her with us on a case and she's driving, you're sitting in the back!"

"As if you'd let her drive the challenger Sam," Callen stopped by the door and smiled knowing he had just won this round. Sam never let anyone drive his precious car.

"Hey!" Kensi snapped taking them both by surprise along with everyone else in the pub who was now looking at her. "I am standing right here!"

"Deeks thought it was funny," Sam blurted out sulking.

Kensi gasped and stared at her older teammate in shock, "D…Deeks?"

All the colour had now drained from her face and her heart was beating twice as fast as it should've been. She nervously looked around the pub and took in all of the crowd in detail, not leaving anyone out.

She soon spotted the guy Callen had seen earlier, sitting nearby. He had his head turned away from them but part of his hoodie had fallen down, not a lot but enough. He didn't look like he fit in here, he was too clean.

Kensi tried to be rational, _this wasn't him. It couldn't be him._

 _Lots of guys had blonde hair..._

But it was too late, she couldn't stop her feet from moving towards him and before she knew what she was doing, she'd pulled off his hoodie and turned his head to face her.

Wary blue eyes stared back at her in shock.

"D…Deeks?" Kensi breathed out. "Is… Is that really you?"

"Kensi, what are you doing here?" Deeks tried to get up, tried to get past her to get away but Kensi wasn't letting him go this time.

She grabbed his wrist and pulled him into her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and holding him tighter. He struggled to free himself but eventually surrendered, giving in to the urge to hug her back.

They held each other in comfortable silence, cherishing the feeling of being together again.

When Kensi reluctantly took a step back a few moments later, _without letting go of his hand_ , he saw tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.

"I've missed you so much!" She stated and he knew she meant what she said. "Are…Are you ok? W…Where have you been?"

"I've wanted so badly to come and see you Kens," he confessed quietly. "I've missed you too."

She nodded and waited patiently for him to continue…

"I stay wherever I can find shelter, food and water. Mostly underground because I knew you'd never give up looking for me." Deeks explained, "I came in here tonight to escape the rain, I never thought you'd find me out here!"

"Well, I'm glad I did!" Kensi hugged him again. "Now you're coming home with me."

 **"** **Oh no!"** He gently pushed her back and shook his head, "I can't."

"You don't have a choice," she threw him her signature death glare, challenging him to defy her. "If you don't come quietly, I will arrest you for…."

Kensi looked around for anything she could use as a valid excuse to take him into custody.

He smirked and sat back down, "I'm waiting… What am I being charged with?"

"I will arrest you for being in possession of drugs," Kensi decided with a nod. She'd just observed a few guys at the front of the pub waving around small packets of white powder which she strongly suspected was illegal substances, giving her this brilliant idea.

Deeks gasped, "I don't have any drugs!"

"Well, you will by the time we get to the boatshed!"

 **"** ** _WHAT!_** **"** He exclaimed loudly. "Kensi you can't say that."

 **"** **I can and I will!** I'll do whatever I have to do to get you into my car," she exclaimed confidently. "Don't fight me on this Deeks, please."

"I'm sorry Kensi," Deeks stood up again and faced her. "I'm not coming with you."

He made a move to get past her, using all of his weight to push her to the side and evade her but he had been out of the game too long and had forgotten how fast Kensi Blye's reflexes were.

In the blink of an eye she had him down on the floor, his front to the ground and was cuffing his hands behind his back. He hadn't seen this coming and it took him a few seconds to figure out exactly what had just happened.

As he laid there, Kensi placed her knee in the centre of his back and applied gentle pressure. She then leaned down to whisper into his ear, "I'm sorry too Deeks but I can't loose you again! I get that you don't want to come back with me and I know you still blame yourself for what happened that day but Deeks please, just … just come back and talk to me. If you still want to leave after that then I will personally bring you back out here and you'll never hear from me again but I need closure and something tells me you do too."

He groaned, "fine."

"Good, you're making the right decision Deeks!" Kensi helped him onto his feet.

"It's not like I have a choice here," he grumbled in obvious frustration but silently he was relieved. _He was going home._

Kensi held onto one of his arms while she checked on Sam who had fallen asleep on the booth beside them. She waved Callen over to help her but he was now slouched against the door and she knew he wasn't going to be any use to her now either.

Frustrated she looked around the room again and spotted a couple of younger, more decent looking guys watching her from the bar. They must have got there while she was dealing with Deeks because she hadn't noticed them before.

"Um, guys would you… would you be able to lend a hand at all?" Kensi worked her magic, flicking her hair slightly to reveal more of her slender neck and straightening her body to show off her beautiful curves.

It worked, the two guys came running over.

"Of course," one of the men offered her his most dazzling smile. He was clearly hooked. "What do you need help with?"

She grinned at him and he seemed to melt into the floor, "I ah, well. You see that guy there?" She pointed to Sam, the men both nodded. "I need to get him out to my car but as you can see I've got my hands full."

For the first time their gaze left her to glance at the man in handcuffs, their expressions fell as they looked him up and down. The man that had approached first shook his head, "are… are you a cop?"

Kensi thought for a minute, "yeah I'm law enforcement."

"Oh," came the men's reply.

"But I'm off duty," Kensi explained and watched their faces light up again. She just had to keep them thinking they had a chance with her and they'd gladly help get Sam out to the car. "This guy is my ex. I have been looking for him for ages as he owes me money! I came out here tonight to pick up those two idiots and well, I happened to bump into this fool. I'm taking him back with me but we're not together."

"Oh, that makes sense!" The first guy smiled and turned to face Deeks, "this guy would have to be crazy to leave a woman so stunning like yourself! Hell, if I had a girl like you I'd never let her out of my sight! You're very beautiful!"

Kensi didn't quite know what to say to that except, "ah…thanks."

"I'm Troy and that's my brother Mark," they introduced themselves. "We will be honoured to help get this…" he stopped mid-sentence as he turned to look at Sam. The nervous expression that crossed his features as he took in the sheer size of the sleeping agent was priceless to Kensi.

"…this really big man!" Troy finished speaking and once again plastered a confident smile on his face, but Kensi could see the uncertainty behind his gaze.

"Well I really appreciate that," she managed to keep her charm going. "My car is the black Audi out front. I will lead the way if you want to follow me."

Troy and Mark nodded, "sure."

Kensi waited for Sam to be removed from the booth he'd taken up residency in and began to shuffle her way out of the pub, the guys close behind her. Each of them held one of Sam's arms as they took his weight and carried him to the car.

Even as they were moving Sam never once stirred, he was out cold.

At the door Kensi paused to wake Callen who came too reasonably fast when Kensi reached out and gently slapped his cheek. He didn't say anything but instead fell into step with the group, _clearly still half asleep_ , and a few short minutes later they all arrived at Kensi's car.

Once everyone was in and buckled up, Kensi turned to the two men.

"Thank you so much!" She smiled, she was truly grateful. There was no way she'd have been able to get Sam out here by herself with Deeks in tow and all she wanted to do right now was go home. She was cold, exhausted and although the night had been somewhat amusing, she was still pissed she'd had to come all the way out here to pick up the boys.

The one good thing that had come out of this little early morning trip was that she'd finally found Deeks! He was now sitting in the front passenger seat with his hands still cuffed behind his back and a less than pleased frown across his face.

"It was our pleasure," Troy reached out and shook Kensi's hand in a polite handshake. "You take care now."

"Yes. The rain may have stopped but it's still wet and cold out here," Mark cautioned. "The roads will be slippery."

"I will I promise," Kensi blew them both a kiss. "Thank you! I won't forget you guys."

With that, Kensi climbed into the driver's seat and closed her door. She then started the car and waved as she reversed out of the car park.

When she turned onto the highway towards home Kensi sighed, "that was eventful."

"I'll say," Deeks muttered. "Can we at least put the heater on?"

Kensi nodded and turned the heater up, the car was instantly filled with warmer air. In the back Sam and Callen were sleeping soundly. It was just Kensi and Deeks awake for the trip home.

"What was Callen and Sam doing out here anyway?" Deeks asked as he looked out the window, he couldn't see much through the foggy glass but he was desperate for a distraction.

Kensi glanced at him and answered simply, "they were finishing a case."

"And this case just happened to be on the same night I came out of hiding," Deeks sighed. "What are the chances?!"

"Honestly I thought I'd never see you again," Kensi admitted in a quiet tone. She was now focused solely on the road ahead, not daring to look at him as she tried to fight off tears. "I was just beginning to come to terms with that possibility… I am really glad I found you Deeks."

"I guess," he stated slowly. "I guess I am too, in a way. Though I could have done without the handcuffs."

Kensi laughed, "yes I suppose that was a little over the top but I wasn't about to let you walk away from me again. You may have thought you were doing the right thing when you left me in the hospital room but for me, these last seven months have been absolute hell! Not knowing where you were or if you were ok nearly killed me. Every night I prayed I would see you again!"

"I still don't trust myself around you Kens," Deeks confessed. "I can't just forget what I did to you. It plays over and over in my mind every time I close my eyes, I hate that I did that to you. You were only doing your job and Jake was a rogue cop, I can see that now but it doesn't change anything. Just because I can understand why you killed him doesn't mean I'm not hurt by it. Jake… Jake and I grew up together. We were close for a long time."

"I'm sorry Deeks," Kensi reached over and squeezed his knee gently. "I'm sorry I killed your friend. If I had of known he was someone you cared about, I swear I would've done things differently."

"I know you would've Kens," Deeks had tears of his own sliding down his cheeks. "It's not your fault. I forgive you!"

"I forgive you too," Kensi replied with a small smile, she took the highway exit and fifteen minutes later they were approaching the ops building. "We will finish talking inside. I want to get the guys to the beds so they can sleep off the alcohol before Hetty finds out what they've been up to."

"That's a good idea," Deeks agreed with her. "Hetty still scares me!"

They both laughed as Kensi turned the car into OPS and pulled into her usual parking spot. She then leant over and released Deeks from his handcuffs. "Please don't run again, you owe me that much."

"I won't I promise," he gave his word. "I have nowhere to go anyway, I'm out of cash. I used all my savings to stay alive over the past seven months, grabbing food wherever I could without spending too much but over time the money has slowly disappeared. Tonight I was cold and needed a place to dry off from the rain but the pub wouldn't let me in without buying something so I brought a beer with the last bit of money I had and now here we are…"

"You should've come home!" Kensi shook her head in disapproval. "I hate the thought of you having to live like that Deeks. You deserve better!"

"No Kensi," he wouldn't meet her eyes. "I don't deserve better. Not after what I did to you!"

"Deeks look at me," Kensi leant over the centre console of her car to place her hand on his shoulder. Deeks still refused to budge so she removed her hand and opened the driver side door. Deeks instinctively turned towards the noise only to find the seat beside him empty. The next thing he knew his door opened and Kensi stood blocking his exit.

"Come on, come inside." Kensi practically dragged him out of the car, his feet barely able to keep up with the sudden change of pace. "I need to talk to you properly and you need to listen to me Deeks, _really listen_."

"Nothing you say will make me feel any…"

"Deeks seriously stop talking!" Kensi cut him off sharply. "It's five in the morning, I've had no sleep and no coffee. I'm not going to let you talk bad about yourself - not now, not ever!"

"But,"

"No buts!" Kensi was in full boss mode now. She'd unlocked the front door and was passing through the Bullpen when she felt him pause behind her. She turned to see him frowning as he studied the four desks around them.

"My… My desk is the same as I left it," he gasped in shock and glanced at Kensi who shrugged. "My stuff is still there. Why… Why hasn't anyone cleared it? I thought you'd have a new partner by now."

"Firstly, we were hoping you would come back," Kensi explained. "And secondly, I didn't want a new partner. I am still quite fond of the old one."

"But you are supposed to have a partner out in the field, if you didn't get a new partner then how are you still here?"

Again, Kensi shrugged, "Deeks I haven't been out in the field since you left. I've never trusted anyone like I trust you and I wouldn't feel safe out there with a stranger watching my back. Besides, I would never pass the physical tests like this. I'm more of a burden than a help."

Deeks immediately stepped forward and reached out to her, concern for her wellbeing showing clearly on his face, "what do you mean you wouldn't pass the physical test?"

Kensi seemed to shrink in his arms, "I ah… I haven't been eating properly or sleeping since… since you disappeared. Every time I close my eyes I get images of you out there alone and then I start thinking about all the bad things that could happen to you… I haven't had a decent meal or sleep in so long!"

Deeks stood in shock and for the first time, noticed how thin she was. Her usually muscular body was considerably smaller and her normally vibrant skin was pale. She had a fair amount of make-up on but he could just see the faint tell-tale signs of exhaustion under her foundation. She was still beautiful but she was only half of what she used to be. The sparkle that once shone so brightly in her eyes was gone now.

"This is my fault isn't it," it was more of a statement than a question. Deeks felt a new wave of guilt wash over him as he rubbed his hands up and down Kensi's skinny frame. "I'm so sorry Kensi."

"It's ok, all that matters now is that you're here and you're safe!" Kensi smiled up at him. "You are a good man Martin Deeks. I never doubted that!"

 **"** **How… How can you say that Kensi!"** Deeks took a sudden step back and threw his arms in the air, walking away from her. "After what I did to you, you think I'm a good man? A good man wouldn't hurt his best friend!"

"Deeks you're a good man because you have a good heart! I know you are good because **I know you**! You're decent, kind and protective of those you love. You care about people. You cared about your job. You always went above and beyond for anyone who needed your help! A bad person wouldn't care! If you were a bad person, _truly bad_ , you wouldn't be standing here with me now having this conversation!" Kensi cried, desperately trying to get through to him. She lowered her voice for the next part, "Deeks you are the most amazing man I've ever known, _aside from my dad_. I hate hearing you putting yourself down because I know… I know you are **not** the same person who hurt me. Deeks that person is gone! **He is NOT who you are!** My Deeks would never hurt anyone, _who didn't truly deserve it_. **YOU…ARE…DEEKS** , my Deeks!"

Deeks was frozen, unable to form a coherent response. Kensi was looking at him again, her expression nervous but hopeful.

"Kens, you have got to be the most forgiving person on earth!" He finally said. "You truly are one-of-a-kind."

"So everyone tells me," Kensi let herself relax a little. "What do you say Deeks? Can we _forgive_ and _forget_? Move on with our lives… Together?"

"I would really like that Kens," Deeks returned her smile. "Thank you for bringing me back. I really have missed you!"

Kensi moved forward and wrapped her arms around Deeks's shoulders. "Just think, if Callen and Sam hadn't been stuck out in that pub I would probably never have found you!"

"Yeah," Deeks agreed. "Um… Kensi,"

"I left Callen and Sam in the car!" Kensi gasped and started running towards the front doors in a panic. "Let's hope they're still in the car and not half sprawled across the tarmac!"

"Now that I would love to see," Deeks chuckled. "Definitely would have to get photos of that!"

"It's good to have you back Deeks," Kensi couldn't help but smile because it was just like old times. "Welcome home partner, welcome home!"

 **FORGIVE OR FORGET**

 **Thank you everyone for your support and advise! I am going to do a sequel to this story! The sequel will focus on how Deeks adjusts to being back, how Kensi adjusts to Deeks being back and what happens when the guys find out Deeks is back!**

 **I hope you have all enjoyed this story and I can't thank you all enough for all your reviews!**

 ** _Forgive OR Forget: The Sequel_**

 **will be up soon. :)**

 **I will also be working on my other stories now too.**

 **Take care everyone**


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